Emotional Vampires

Just one bite

Vampires are fictional characters made infamous by Twilight and successful TV serials like True Blood. These creatures are characterised by being highly attractive, charming, sexually arousing and irresistible. Once they use these traits to catch their prey, the person's blood is drained to the point of death.  Down on earth and in the realms of reality, if we look close enough at our lives, we see many emotional vampires. Like the legend,  the main characteristic is that they drain your emotional energy without even trying. They are people who essentially negatively affect your mood. They may make you feel exhausted or physically sick. There are some common types of vampire that are discussed in psychiatric theory - narcissistic, victim, controller, constant talker and drama queen.

Emotional vampires are rather dangerous. They don't attack from the front. Instead their way is to work their way into your psyche slowly. Actions remain covert and manipulative. Conversations are mostly always focused on themselves. They pay little or no attention to the other person. They care little for the requirements or needs of their friend.

So in summary, these are the indications you are dealing with an emotional vampire :-


1. Turn the topic of conversation to themselves, no matter what you are talking about.
2. Redirect attention to something else when it is focused on someone other than them.
3. Make you feel a bit down, or unhappy, after you leave them.
4. Make you feel mentally exhausted.
5. Have an inability to feel empathy for your problems or circumstances.

Judith Orloff has this to say in her excellent summary here.

"Vampires do more than drain your physical energy. The super-malignant ones can make you believe you’re an unworthy, unlovable wretch who doesn’t deserve better. The subtler species inflict damage by making smaller digs which can make you feel bad about yourself—for instance, “Dear, I see you’ve put on a few pounds”  or “You’re overly sensitive!” Suddenly they’ve thrown you emotionally off-center you by prodding areas of shaky self-worth"

The creation of emotional vampires is quite simple. Their past is often filled with trauma. There has been an element of physical, mental or sexual abuse that has remained unresolved. Their childhood has been deprived in many ways. It is because of the emotional traumas, these individuals become people without insight, often dangerous to themselves and others, largely self centred and conceited. One could postulate that the reason for this is their adaptation over time to survive their negative surroundings. This is often done by developing a exterior that is largely superficial thereby concealing themselves from being affected or hurt by the environment. In time, this largely becomes a permanent adaptation and they effectively lose themselves to their well developed mask.

Because they do compensate well for their prior problems, they are inordinately attractive, supremely sexually experienced, superficially charming and highly intelligent. They are often surrounded by the opposite or even the same sex. Their own energy being derived from the positive energy of the people around them essentially to feed their insecurities. They will prefer those who admire them without question.  Of course, the more intelligent of emotional vampires are very difficult to spot until you have finally been caught in their net. Extracting yourself is of course a different kettle of fish. On the other hand, if you care enough about the person, you can attempt to help them but it is a long road. Sadly, most emotional vampires are resistant to assistance and lack insight. The personality deficits within them offer a poor prognosis but not all emotional vampires are a lost cause. The trick is to assist them before being bitten fully.

Related Links

1. Emotional Vampires.
2. How to Deal with Emotional Vampires.
3. Judith Orloff - Emotional Vampires.

Unconditional

Those who know me, understand that I can probably be happiest in the company of animals without the requirement for human contact for months. It is probably an odd aspect to admit but I can exist without human contact for a fairly lengthy period. This lack of dependence on people developed over sometime. I am not quite sure how it evolved but perhaps it was an emotional adaptation.

The affection that humans provide you with is unconditional. They are never as complicated as human beings nor do they desire or have great expectations. Many have written about unconditional love or compassion .I believe it is extremely important for every person to develop the ability to be compassionate - perhaps it distinguishes us from the machines and electronics we are surrounded by. 

The impact of animals on human well-being was discussed in this paper published in the Psychologist. The conclusions were as follows

"Whilst the evidence for a direct causal association between animals and human health is still not conclusive, the literature is largely supportive of the long-held belief that ‘pets are good for us’, contributing to both our physical and mental well-being. Unfortunately, not all of the research carried out in this area has been without criticism (for review, see Wells, 2009). The lack of longitudinal designs and standardised measures that assess diverse areas of physical and cognitive functioning makes it difficult to draw finite conclusions, and further work in this sphere is certainly needed. It must be pointed out that research exploring the relationship between pets and human health has not always produced positive results (e.g. Parslow et al., 2005; Pluijm et al., 2006). Moreover, animals have the potential to pose enormous threat to human health, spreading disease, inducing allergies, inflicting bites and triggering psychological trauma (e.g. Baxter, 1984; Baxter & Leck, 1984). 

Pets should certainly not be regarded as a perfect pill for treating ill health. Nonetheless, employed in the correct manner, and targeted at the appropriate user group, animals have the potential to contribute significantly to our well-being and quality of lives, and, as such, should not be overlooked as an alternative, or complementary, form of therapy in modern-day healthcare practices"

 Unconditional Love 

Throughout all our lives, it is often vital to understand the concept of self development. These aspects are not taught in schools, through degrees or via achievements. It is self taught through the circumstances faced by each person in their own lives. You either opt to learn from those circumstances or you don't. I often find so many young people have the inability to understand or care for their elders, their animals or even themselves. Their lives revolve around everything that society has now become - driven by a materialistic attitude. Anyhow, animals teach us many things about our own failings. I certainly find that dogs teach us about unconditional love, caring and kindness. Animals provide us with some vital lessons in humanity, generosity, kindness and compassion. So often, we all believe that progress is being made by extensive knowledge of technical detail that the world has to offer. In doing so, we tend to discard the simpler and more valuable traits that a human being should learn and possess. This may prevent human emotion from being driven by selfishness, greed, decadence and peer pressure. Indeed, it may be the key to some modicum of happiness that  eludes many people in suburbia and  the concrete cities. Even during my time as a psychiatrist, I never felt humans were created or developed to cope with the stresses that our modern world forces upon them. The key to lessen human suffering is to seek the simplicity that the world around us has to offer. The trick  is recognising it before it is too late.