Tuesday, 15 May 2012

On Vibrate

Bit small really. Must be recession. 

I read a tech magazine called Gizmodo. The problem with Gizmodo is that it is probably written by a number of geeks and nerds who don't go out very much. No doubt they all fantasise about Lara Croft and  sex technology.They maybe so used to fantasy women, they wouldn't know what to do with a real one. Anyway, some guys like machinery to make up for their 30 second time limit before they fall asleep. So I decided to read their latest masterpiece on the history of vibrators.

Here is the article. The article has been circulated around Facebook more times than any other boring gadget piece so I feel safe and in good company. Facef*** or the nearest to a pick-up joint needed a motorised shake and no doubt legions of men and women are turning the page upside down and side ways up to try and figure out how those historical vibrators work. Personally, I thought it was a bit of a anti-climax. 

So here goes 
"Did you know that the first vibrator in history may have been invented by Egyptian Queen Cleopatra? Apparently, she had the idea of filling a hollow gourd with angry bees. The violent buzzing caused the gourd to vibrate and then... well, then, the rest is history" 

Really? I can now wait to die in the next 100 years in the full knowledge that I know this. Yes, I shall shout it out at the local supermarket while buying my cucumbers. As for the illustrations, I have my legs crossed  [Health and Safety reasons] while I write this as my eyes are watering following the first review of the monstrous pictures that were clearly a danger to someone somewhere at some time in history. What I want to know is this - did anyone die after using them? Clearly, only my mobile phone vibrates in this office. I thought I was safe until  I discovered  that an ex Microsoft geek had invented a mobile app for a Vibrator. This is what happens after working for Bill Gates and his jumpers. Everything just goes down below. 

Everyone else may wish to try the cheaper option and run down to the gym for a running, earth shattering, leg buckling climax. For the rest of us, it might just be enough to capture a smile from 6000 miles away for that cyclone effect. Call it cost effective :).

Related Links :)

1. Discreet Link for anyone who wishes to buy vibrators :)